Thursday, November 27, 2008

How to keep it together-Long Distance Styles

So, as per a semi Rantz request, I thought I would be so kind as to divulge some secrets that Larry and I do to maintain our long distance relationship.


First off, let me say that they truly aren't for the faint of heart. Long distance relationships take a lot of work, maybe more so than a regular relationship, although I'm sure that anyone can attest that regular relationships also take a lot of work.

So here is our he said she said take on how we take our LDR in stride and work to keep it going successfully.


She Said:
-Together time. We do a lot of things together. We watch movies over the phone together. My sister called us gay! But we enjoy it. We'll rent a movie and get our timing all adjusted and sit on the couch and watch it together and usually discuss it after wards.

-Talking. We talk as much as possible. You would think that we wouldn't have much to say on the phone after a while but somehow, we manage to hardly ever have a moment where neither of us has something to say.

-Patience. Larry is very patient. I am fun, but man oh man do I have a bad temper, and before I met him, extremely bad communication skills. He has been so patient in helping me grow, making himself dependable and making sure I know that even when I might think what I am thinking is silly he still wants to know because he cares that much about me.

-Heart Meter. We kind of have a heart meter. I am a hopeless romantic. Seriously, completely hopeless. I have hardly ever had any needs met romantically unless I created them. Larry admitted that he may be bad about remembering or knowing when I need it. So I tell him periodically when I feel the need to or when he asks where my heart meter is. He is much better than he gives himself credit for and I would say only once out of the entire time we've been together have I had to say that my heart meter was low.

-Connecting. Larry and I try to connect in every way possible. We love each other that much, and I'm really not afraid or shy to tell anyone. Just the other night while we were talking and thinking if we had "a song". I dissected line by line what a certain song meant to me an how it made me think of him and us. I cried like a baby my heart was so full of love. I am truly and irrevocably blessed to have Larry in my life. I try to tell him how much I love and respect him as often as I can.

-Being realistic. We all know we have limits, even a long distance relationship can have limits. So we know that we need to connect and see each other physically every couple of months at the very most. We also have read books together: Before you say I do. Which I would recommend to everyone. We laughed as often as we fought or cried over our answers in the book, but we kept on going because it was important to both of us. We are going to get married, and it will be the last time. Divorce is not an option. So we learned more about each other, and we learned about our goals and passions. It was a very rewarding experience.


-No games. Leave the games at the door please. I think the absolute one reason we have such a successful relationship is because everything is laid out on the table. Not only have we shared more with each other than anyone else in our lives, monsters, skeletons and all, but we know what we both want. I never question or doubt where this relationship is going. I am going to marry Larry and I will change my last name for the first time. I don't know when or how or where, I just know that we are going to get married. And most likely in the next 2-3 years we will have another baby, that we have created together.

And here's the "He said" part...

Sarah is right. It's not for the faint of heart and it does take a lot of work. To clarify, close distant relationships take a lot of work too, but when you have discussions on the phone, there is a lot of non-verbal communication that you don't have. There is also the minimal physical affection that can be hard for most people.Here are my top tips:

1) Long range plans - Long distance relationships won't work forever. Eventually, you have to make plans to be with one another and develop a close distance relationship. You have to talk openly about a time table for this to happen and have an agreement amongst yourselves.

2) Honesty - There has to be complete honesty with each other even when it's going to hurt. Both people need to be able to ask any tough questions and receive truthful answers.

3) Talking - Sarah listed this one and it's worth repeating. I've talked with Sarah everyday for over a year either on the phone or in person when we were fortunate enough to visit with one another. We talk in the morning while going to work, we talk throughout the day over instant messenger, and we talk at night when we get home. It keeps one another connected.

4) Tolerance - There has to be a lot of tolerance and forgiveness with one another and understanding. This is true of any relationship, but it's worth mentioning.

5) Dates - Watching DVDs over the phone is the way we are able to do dates long distance while we're on the phone. It's another way we keep connected.

6) Visits - As much as finances and time allows, driving or flying to be with one another needs to happen. You learn to cherish the time you are physically together.Who knows if anyone benefitted from this post, but it was fun to document.Love you baby.

7 comments:

Maverick Larry said...

And here's the "He said" part...

Sarah is right. It's not for the faint of heart and it does take a lot of work. To clarify, close distant relationships take a lot of work too, but when you have discussions on the phone, there is a lot of non-verbal communication that you don't have. There is also the minimal physical affection that can be hard for most people.

Here are my top tips:

1) Long range plans - Long distance relationships won't work forever. Eventually, you have to make plans to be with one another and develop a close distance relationship. You have to talk openly about a time table for this to happen and have an agreement amongst yourselves.

2) Honesty - There has to be complete honesty with each other even when it's going to hurt. Both people need to be able to ask any tough questions and receive truthful answers.

3) Talking - Sarah listed this one and it's worth repeating. I've talked with Sarah everyday for over a year either on the phone or in person when we were fortunate enough to visit with one another. We talk in the morning while going to work, we talk throughout the day over instant messenger, and we talk at night when we get home. It keeps one another connected.

4) Tolerance - There has to be a lot of tolerance and forgiveness with one another and understanding. This is true of any relationship, but it's worth mentioning.

5) Dates - Watching DVDs over the phone is the way we are able to do dates long distance while we're on the phone. It's another way we keep connected.

6) Visits - As much as finances and time allows, driving or flying to be with one another needs to happen. You learn to cherish the time you are physically together.

Who knows if anyone benefitted from this post, but it was fun to document.

Love you baby.

Sarah said...

Great He said post baby, I'm going to add it. I love you too.

David'Z RantZ said...

Oboy! I get "my own" post! Kinda.

"My sister called us gay!" (She has a different definition from mine, obviously!)

When you wrote "We watch movies over the phone together," I thought, "that's cool," and envisioned you two each watching an old classic on TCM, or something. But when you added, "We'll rent a movie and get our timing all adjusted, etc." you impressed the livin' crap out of me!

You mentioned "Just the other night while we were talking and thinking if we had 'a song.' " Traditionally, the first song you can recall hearing together once you've met becomes "your" song, even if it's silly, or completely inappropriate to your relationship. But most people nowadays ignore that ancient "rule," and pick their own song. Which is why 99.9% of the wedding couples in the 1970s had either "Color My World" or "We've Only Just Begun" as their songs.

"We are going to get married, and it will be the last time. Divorce is not an option." Sounds almost ominous. "Resistance is futile! Death before Dishonor! Attica! Attica! (Hey, I hope your song isn't "Every Breath You Take!")

"There is also the minimal physical affection that can be hard for most people." That's what we here in Male-Slut-Land would call a "deal-breaker," unfortunately. But that's just me.... amd the millions like me. As far as you two, there are a few questions which I wouldn't dare ask even if they were any of my damned business... which they're emphatically not!

"Long distance relationships won't work forever. Eventually, you have to make plans to be with one another and develop a close distance relationship." Yeah! And hopefully before the wedding/honeymoon. Definitely not after... !

Honestly... I really admire you two.

David'Z RantZ said...

Neat new profile photo, Sarah. Was it written in the sand, or -- knowing you -- carved into Plymouth Rock when no one was looking?

Sarah said...

Thanks David!

Movies: Yeah it's hard sometimes, but we usually get the hang of it quite quickly.

Song: Yeah but see neither of us can really think of one song that even happened that way. So we were discussing.

Marriage: Hahahahahahaha! Well that is kind of true ;) I thought people would mistake some of the things I said like I was in an ahhh I'm so in love hearts in my eyes kind of thing, when really I was speaking matter of factly.

Physical Affection: I can't think of any questions one could ask...however I am very naive sometimes.

Yes we have a goal in mind of when Larry will hopefully be able to move up here. Whether we are able to meet it or not is truly for God to decide. But even if it takes us longer than expected we're still going to be together. And in ten years this small time apart will feel like nothing.

Thanks David, we appreciate it.

Oh and my profile pic Larry carved in the sand! We couldn't get close enough to plymouth.

Maverick Larry said...

Watching movies together is pretty fun when we're talking over the phone because we can laugh at all the same parts and joke back and forth together. I'm glad we can enjoy the same movies.

One great thing about having a long distance relationship is that we're growing an amazing friendship together. It's like we're bonding so much.

The other great thing about a long distance relationship is that, when we actually do get a chance to see each other in person, we cherish and remember the small things like holding each other's hands or sitting on the beach watching a sunset. Divorce is not an option because we're both fighting to make it work and we both feel like we've found the best person for us.

Sarah said...

I completely agree about building our friendship more and more. I love knowing the fact that soon I will be waking up next to my best friend every morning.
I also love the little things. Not needing to finish all sentences because you know how I feel or how they will finish already. All of the inside jokes, they're just fun ways that you and I get to live in our own little world.