Thursday, January 15, 2009

Dear ____________

Dear Geist Family,

Your boxes are huge! I cannot fit them in my car!

Sincerely,

Sarah

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Dear Coworker,

I don't want to hear your sob story of why you're not going to "risk your child's life" just because it is snowy/cold/icy out. If you're not coming in, just say: 'I'm not coming in today'.

Sincerely,

Sarah

P.S. If you continue to send these emails I will request that you insert violin music.

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Dear pushy lady trying to make me look bad,

Keep trying, you just look weird and pushy to everyone.

Sincerely,

Sarah

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Dear Landlord,

Please remove my f*&#^ing snow from my walkway or I'm coming for you.

Sincerely,

Sarah

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Dear Car,

Please stop all of this 'I refuse to start' nonsense. It's getting old, and I will trade you in. Don't make me threaten you again!

Sincerely,

Sarah

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Dear Executive Man,

Stop looking at me in that weird way, it's creeping me out.

Sincerely,

Sarah

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8 comments:

Kathy said...

sarah, the stark cold of january helps to expose the stupidity of others.

co-workers, in general, suck.

Sarah said...

And are stupid, don't forget stupid. And annoying...and needy.

Sparkle Plenty said...

I think you should bring in a BIG bowl of chili, and after they eat it you should tell them where kidney beans come from...

LOVE all the photos from your holiday and am getting caught up on your posts. Very very very funny.

I use the "Interrupting Cow" joke a lot, too. I also tell it poorly. I've come up with some strategies. Larry might want to try some of these:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interruping Cow.
Interrupting cow, who?
Wait. Can we start over?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting cow, who?
I lied. It's really the Avon Lady.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting pirate.
Interrupting pi-
GARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
(For some reason, Garrr is easier for me to break in with than moo.)

Sarah said...

You all crack me up!

Larry try the pirate one, but give it a week or two for me to forget. Or just stick with the Avon Lady!

Maverick Larry said...

I think I'll just stick with my son's Knock Knock joke. It relies less on timing and more on cuteness. At least I'll have a chance. Keep in mind that it's told by a 4 year old.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Chocolate Banana Watermelon Pickle.
*sits back and enjoys the hilarity of a great Knock Knock joke*

How do I compete with that?

Sarah said...

That joke does actually make me genuinly laugh every time.

I also bust a gut when he tells me to relax when I get too excited.

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