I just sent the following to my Mother, Sister and Larry. I would also like to share it with you, to ensure that my wishes are carried out:
In three weeks I’ll be under the knife…
If I don’t make it please understand the following as my wishes:
1. I want to be cremated.
2. I want my ashes to be scattered over water.
3. Get rid of all my crap.
4. Someone finish my current romance novel…and then tell me what happens out loud as I will be listening.
5. Make sure Ava grows up understanding her Gnome roots.
6. Larry: You’re not to be in another relationship. I want you to live out the remainder of your life constantly thinking of me and my sweet sweet booty.
7. Melissa: You can have my shoes…also make sure your children and your childrens children know about the gnomes.
8. Mom: Please don’t steal any of my body parts or appendages before I am cremated. It’s creepy. Accept it.
9. Eat cupcakes at my wake.
10. Make sure the picture you use in place of a casket is a hot one…and has my new skinny self.