Original email to Larry:
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
·Romance 9.5 and
·Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
·NBA 5.0,
·NFL 3.0 and
·Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
·Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind,
·Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
·Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
·If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1..
·Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your sys tem resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
·Cooking 3.0 and
·Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck!
Tech Support
Larry's Response:
It sounds like Desperate just didn’t find the right version of Husband 1.0. The packaging of the software can be quite deceiving since there are many different builds of the software and some packaging is flashier than others. I think when system performance starts to degrade, installing Love Language 1.0 will normally put the system back to where it needs to be.
Personally speaking, I installed Wife 1.0 and had very poor results. It was a system resource hog and was a very high maintenance program. The best thing I did was to uninstall and find the perfect version of Wife 2.0. The system seems to run so much smoother with Wife 2.0 and I find that it’s constantly in pursuit of self-maintenance. This one’s a keeper for sure. Plus, Wife 2.0 came with a free version of Daughter 1.0 which is really fun to play with and is a great source of constant amusement. What a deal!!!
He's so smooth!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
LOST...or something
So Larry had to work very late last night and I decided to type up some notes from the first little bit of LOST so he would know what he missed. Seeing as how I never even watched the show until last week I'm pretty sure he would have been better off not reading the email at all...
Lost:
Maggie? Had a baby boy. They showed a flash back of it. There is a boat that's sailing it has the english guy on it the one where that other skinny nerd implanted the memory.
"We'll be in and out, he'll never know we're here Maggie, don't underestimate him." I think maybe they are sailing towards the island?
Then the group of people are walking in the brush, the red head has a headache. the skinny nerd just asked if she had dizzyness and double vision, and she said yes both. Then she said do you know what's happening to me, he said no nothings happening I won't let it happen. OH DUDE some guy tripped a wire and explosives went off. I don't know who's dead but now they're surrounded by arrows. and some chick in a tank top is holding a gun to them. It's miles the skinny scientist and the red head. The girl seems to know the skinny scientist dude.
Back on the boat with the english man. she insulted the english dude. They are going to go find the skinny dude's mom I think. Daniel is the skinny scientist dude.
"If your going to promise me something des please promise me you'll never go back to that island. Why would I ever want to go there?"
now I'm telling you.
Lost:
Maggie? Had a baby boy. They showed a flash back of it. There is a boat that's sailing it has the english guy on it the one where that other skinny nerd implanted the memory.
"We'll be in and out, he'll never know we're here Maggie, don't underestimate him." I think maybe they are sailing towards the island?
Then the group of people are walking in the brush, the red head has a headache. the skinny nerd just asked if she had dizzyness and double vision, and she said yes both. Then she said do you know what's happening to me, he said no nothings happening I won't let it happen. OH DUDE some guy tripped a wire and explosives went off. I don't know who's dead but now they're surrounded by arrows. and some chick in a tank top is holding a gun to them. It's miles the skinny scientist and the red head. The girl seems to know the skinny scientist dude.
Back on the boat with the english man. she insulted the english dude. They are going to go find the skinny dude's mom I think. Daniel is the skinny scientist dude.
"If your going to promise me something des please promise me you'll never go back to that island. Why would I ever want to go there?"
now I'm telling you.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
A little exerpt from last night...
Larry: "We want to make sure that the unit doesn't get too hot that it overheats"
Sarah: "Wait...so are you talking about units that produce hot air in the winter and cold air in the summer?"
Larry: ::confused:: "Um yes, when I say 'Air Conditioner' I'm talking about a unit that conditions the air."
Sarah: "You now realize that this entire time* I thought you were talking specifically about AC/Air Conditioners that blow only cold air."
Larry: "..."
To sum up...I'm kind of an idiot...
*Entire Time = Since we started dating...so for over a year and a half...
Sarah: "Wait...so are you talking about units that produce hot air in the winter and cold air in the summer?"
Larry: ::confused:: "Um yes, when I say 'Air Conditioner' I'm talking about a unit that conditions the air."
Sarah: "You now realize that this entire time* I thought you were talking specifically about AC/Air Conditioners that blow only cold air."
Larry: "..."
To sum up...I'm kind of an idiot...
*Entire Time = Since we started dating...so for over a year and a half...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Just a little video of advice in the struggling economy
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1389/saturday-night-live-dont-buy-stuff
Monday, January 26, 2009
I'm kind of a geek
Okay, most of you probably don't know this, but I am a HUGE HUGE fan of the series The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. I have read every single book cover to cover since being introduced to them and essentially stealing the book from a friend in 1999. Tragically Robert Jordan passed away from cardiac amyloidosis in 2007.
He and his wife (who was also his publisher) chose another writer to finish the book and follow the carefully laid out notes for the final book. There are/will be 12 books in total plus I think there are actually a few prequels.
I've read a lot online about them possibly having a movie deal for this etc. I am the first one to say: "DON'T DO IT!
I think this would be absolutely butchered by Hollywood. Unless it's done by someone who has read every single word of every single book they won't get it. They'll start cutting scenes and inserting a bunch of crap that doesn't mean anything. Every word Jordan wrote means something. Perhaps not in the book you're reading at the time, but pick up the next one or two and you will see how even the most seemingly insignificant line actually has a purpose that ties everything together.
The only comment I agreed with was regarding making it into a 30-40 hour mini series. I think it would be even more successful than trying to make it Hollywood. They could really devote the time to character development and to getting the sets perfect. They have the option of using computer graphics for the more "magical" scenes etc. They would acquire income from commercials, plus if praying they directed/casted the mini series correctly would have sky rocketing DVD sales. (Pssst! Larry...We'll be buying the whole set so make sure to budget for it!)
If you like fantasy type novels with a great story I really do recommend reading this series. And you're in luck because you won't have to wait three years (as I have...impatiently I might add) for the final book as it is supposed to be released this year.
He and his wife (who was also his publisher) chose another writer to finish the book and follow the carefully laid out notes for the final book. There are/will be 12 books in total plus I think there are actually a few prequels.
I've read a lot online about them possibly having a movie deal for this etc. I am the first one to say: "DON'T DO IT!
I think this would be absolutely butchered by Hollywood. Unless it's done by someone who has read every single word of every single book they won't get it. They'll start cutting scenes and inserting a bunch of crap that doesn't mean anything. Every word Jordan wrote means something. Perhaps not in the book you're reading at the time, but pick up the next one or two and you will see how even the most seemingly insignificant line actually has a purpose that ties everything together.
The only comment I agreed with was regarding making it into a 30-40 hour mini series. I think it would be even more successful than trying to make it Hollywood. They could really devote the time to character development and to getting the sets perfect. They have the option of using computer graphics for the more "magical" scenes etc. They would acquire income from commercials, plus if praying they directed/casted the mini series correctly would have sky rocketing DVD sales. (Pssst! Larry...We'll be buying the whole set so make sure to budget for it!)
If you like fantasy type novels with a great story I really do recommend reading this series. And you're in luck because you won't have to wait three years (as I have...impatiently I might add) for the final book as it is supposed to be released this year.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
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