Thursday, February 12, 2009

Larry is way smooth...

Original email to Larry:


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
·Romance 9.5 and
·Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
·NBA 5.0,
·NFL 3.0 and
·Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

·Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?



First, keep in mind,
·Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
·Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
·If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1..
·Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your sys tem resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
·Cooking 3.0 and
·Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

Larry's Response:

It sounds like Desperate just didn’t find the right version of Husband 1.0. The packaging of the software can be quite deceiving since there are many different builds of the software and some packaging is flashier than others. I think when system performance starts to degrade, installing Love Language 1.0 will normally put the system back to where it needs to be.

Personally speaking, I installed Wife 1.0 and had very poor results. It was a system resource hog and was a very high maintenance program. The best thing I did was to uninstall and find the perfect version of Wife 2.0. The system seems to run so much smoother with Wife 2.0 and I find that it’s constantly in pursuit of self-maintenance. This one’s a keeper for sure. Plus, Wife 2.0 came with a free version of Daughter 1.0 which is really fun to play with and is a great source of constant amusement. What a deal!!!

He's so smooth!


Maverick Larry said...

What can I say? I'm kind of a comedic genius.

David'Z RantZ said...

I think this post proves that, in your own ways, you're both geniuses. Both emails were very clever, and Larry's in particular (with its comparisons between Wife 1.0 and Wife 2.0) got complimentary & sentimental without diluting the "tech talk" with mushy stuff.

The other day, I left a comment on this blog about no recent posts. This one was literally worth the wait!

mulderjoe said...

Man, Larry's GOOD.

Randomness said...

I know eh...but is he too smooth? Hmm :)