Farewell!

We have a coworker that is leaving and no one likes him. So we thought we would impart a few words of wisdom to him...

1. Don’t call anyone that isn’t your wife or mother, MOM.
2. Faking coughing for over a month makes your co-workers want to kill you.
3. Whistling is never okay unless you have an office and can close your door.
4. Don’t talk LOUDLY to yourself in order to get attention, it makes you look pathetic
5. Don’t agree to deadlines (repeatedly) that you can’t meet or don’t intend to meet.
6. Don’t demean co-workers or talk down to people, it makes you look pathetic and like an ass
7. No one cares about your weird, creepy obsession “hobby” with butterflies.
8. Don’t fake an injury or self diagnose one, it makes you look pathetic.
9. Don’t fake sick within the first year of employment.
10. Ask questions (and listen) before you make assumptions.
11. Don’t ask your co-workers for a spare two minutes and then proceed to ask them a question about Microsoft that you could have found easily on the internet OR enter them into a 20 minute conversation. Doing this repeatedly makes them hate you.
12. When you thank someone don't use quotes...because that is implying that you're not actually thanking them.
13. Starting a sentence with Sincerely over and over makes you insincere. If you're genuinely sincere it will come across and you shouldn't have to even use the word.
14. You might think that saying "And to your point" over and over again makes it your catch phrase, but really it just means that you never have a point and are just wasting my time.